My Story....to date (cont'd)

Part 2

On January 26, 2009, it was confirmed. I had breast cancer in my left breast. After that, it was a bit of a blur. I remember telling my 16 year old daughter, Kaitlyn that it wasn't good news. I don't remember if I actually said "cancer" at that time but she knew what it meant. I remember calling my mom and her being so very upset. After all, they'd already lost my brother 32 years before, almost to the day, from cancer. After that, it was a bunch of doctor appts., including a plastic surgeon. That's right, the doctor that told me I had cancer, was suggesting a double mastectomy and having my ovaries removed. This sounded a bit drastic to me. They suggested genetic testing, which I did...but said it would take up to a month to get those results back. If they came back positive they wanted to take both breasts and ovaries for sure. The only problem was, I didn't have a month to wait for surgery.

About 2 weeks passed and guess what, yep I felt another lump. This time under my arm. I had already gotten a second opinion about my breast cancer and felt more comfortable with my new doctor. So, I had Dr. Nora take a look (or feel) at the second lump. He immediately ordered a biopsy on the lymph node. That came back positive as well. His suggestion was that we just do a lumpectomy on the mass in my breast and remove the lymph node involved and he would then map the cancer and we would discuss what to do from there.

So, on February 17, 2009, I had surgery. They removed the mass from my breast and it turns out it had spread to 5 of the 8 lymph nodes located in the breast and to an additional node under my arm. Surgery was what they consider a success. I've been recovering just fine from that. Some pain and numbness and lots of fatigue, but that's to be expected. I went back to the surgeon a week later and then a week after that and I'm healing nicely. The doctor was happy with my progress, but said that without question, I will need chemotherapy & radiation.

Since then, I have been to two separate oncologists: one for hematology (chemo) and one for radiology (radiation). My oncologist that will be handling my chemo, is worried that it may have spread beyond my lymph nodes at this point. Supposedly, all the signs point to that....whatever that means. So, I was scheduled for a bone scan and an full body CAT scan last week. I am supposed to get the results tomorrow when I see my oncologist and the plan, as of right now, is to start chemo then as well. I guess depending on the results, he will decide an exact schedule. As far as I know, I will be getting treatment every other week for 20-24 weeks....if it hasn't spread. Then after that, 7 weeks of daily radiation, to stop the actual breast cancer from spreading.

In all this time, I've not 'freaked out', cried, been scared, nervous..nothing. I'm not exactly sure why. I know I'm not in denial. I'm well aware that I have breast cancer and am able to talk about it with friends and family. Some of my friends have even said how great I sound or how strong I am. I don't look at it that way. I've thought about it and I'm really ok with it. With having cancer I mean. My take on it is, well, if it's me, then maybe, just maybe that means someone else doesn't have to go through it. I'm not afraid of it or the treatment. In fact, I've asked my doctors if I really NEED to have chemo. I mean, if it hasn't spread, then how will they know if I'm responding to it, right? Answer is, they won't. They have no idea. They won't know until the cancer comes back.

Ok, I do have one worry...or two...my kids. My darling Kaitlyn and my adorable Matthew. I truly don't want them to see me go through chemo and what it will do to me. Matthew won't understand it at all and it will be so rough on Kate. The last 1 1/2 years they've watched me with my severe migraines and on heavy meds, I can't tell you what that did to them. I lost all that time with them. I don't want them to now have to deal with this! Ya, ya, I know, kids are resilient. If I do this, it might give me more time with them, right? BUT, will it be quality time? It's a question that really can't be answered and I know this. You have to admit though, it's a good question, right? Anyway, that's my worry, my kids....everything else...I can handle!

I realize God didn't do this to me. Although I have to admit, sometimes I do wonder why you never hear of murderers or child predators dying from cancer. A special person made me think the other day...that maybe this isn't a "test" or "trial" for me, maybe this is more about others and what I can do for them. I really love that thought.

I have amazing friends and family that will be there for me and be praying for me. Everyone is asking me what they can do for me, but really, I just want everyone to count their blessings and hug their loved ones just a little bit tighter next time their in your arms...especially the little ones!

I will keep my blog updated. I would love to hear from everyone...even just a hello!

Love & Many Blessings!

Lisa