Questioning God....

Hey there!

First, you know I have to thank you all for the wonderful warm comments, thoughts, cards, FB comments, prayers, just everything, it's been amazing how many people are thinking and praying for little old me! I just don't feel deserving, but I want you to know I am just so grateful!

I know God is listening and taking everything under advisement (haha). I know a few of you have some questions for Him right about now, but I don't. Although, I do have to say, it is a bit strange that you never hear of some mass murder or child predator or someone like that dying from some horrible disease....am I right? What's up with that? Well, the reason that I don't question God about my having Stage III breast/vascular cancer is because I just really believe that we are all put here on earth to do a job, you know, do something that is going to make a difference somehow. Maybe not, worldwide, save the earth kind of job, but we're all put here for a reason. I've ALWAYS thought my reason was one: Kaitlyn. She truly is the most incredible person I've ever met. She's draws these amazing pictures and has a beautiful voice and has a smile that lights up a room! She's truly beautiful inside and out. It was her and I for quite a long time and I know her so well. Much better than I'm sure she'd ever be willing to admit. And I know, mom's always think their kids are amazing and the best and rightly so. But Kaitlyn is just something different, something special. Those that know her, know she hasn't had the easiest life and a lot of that is because of me and poor decisions I've made. Everything I've done has been for her because quite frankly, she's the best thing I've ever done. I truly feel that God put me here on this earth so that SHE could be on this earth. Sure, at times, she's driven me crazy and I know I've driven her crazy, but we've NEVER doubted our love for each other and I remind myself of that when I'm frustrated after 6 hours of shopping for a prom dress. I'm so very grateful God let me have her and help her grow and I pray that He is happy with how I've raised her...mistakes and all. She is the love of my life. So, that's it, my work on earth was done! I had her, that was my reason.....

Then, I had Matthew. Really GOD? TWO PERFECT CHILDREN? Matthew, who is so incredibly full of life and so, so smart! He loves everything and everyone! Every sport and every musical instrument. Every dandelion and every dinosaur! He has the deepest chocolate brown eyes I've ever seen and when you look into them, you can see his soul. He brought home a plant that they had grown at preschool yesterday...and he named him Arthur. He had his dad go out to the car at 10:45pm last night to get Arthur out of the car because he was afraid Arthur would grow so big in the middle of the night that it would burst through the roof on dad's car and break it. So, he thought it would be best if he put it in his room next to Toby his fish, who could keep an eye on it during the night. Matthew never fails to make us smile, even on the worst days imaginable. So, as you can see, I have two loves of my life now. I remember when he was hospitalized when he was just two weeks old and crying to my mom. I remember telling her that when Matthew was born, I always wondered how long God would let me keep him. Well, Matthew will be turning 4 in just 2 weeks. I can hardly believe it, he's so beautiful!

So, no, I don't question God. I am grateful. Grateful He has given me these two amazing beautiful children to be here on earth and to be able to touch other people, each in their own way. I don't pray to God and ask Him to help me through this cancer (well admittedly I have called on Him a few times in ER with my migraine pain.) or to help me get past the chemo or vomiting, etc. I just pray to Him that my kids will stay safe and loved and cherished.

Love & Blessings to you all!
Lisa

On a side note: I am having chemo on Monday. At this point, they have decided to admit me into the hospital for a few days in order to try to control the violent vomiting, severe migraines and dehydration. I will have my blackberry, so you can still text me or FB me. If I don't answer...I'm a little preoccupied! lol

Its Been Too Long!

Guess who? Just little old me. I'm actually sitting here at the hospital waiting for my chemo treatment. My appt. was actually at 10:50a.m.and its now 1:22pm & they haven't even started yet! Unbelieveable!

My original chemo appt was for Thursday last week but guess what??? Yep, I had another one of my lovely migraines. It started Wednesday night & Scot took me to the ER. We spent all night there while I was being pumped full of pain & nausea meds. We left there just in time to drive home, shower & head back down for chemo. Except that by the time I got there my migraine was back full force along with the severe vomiting. My oncologist decided I wouldn't be able to handle the chemo. So they layed me in the back & hooked me up to ivs of demerol. We were there 6 hrs before they would let me leave.

I spent the weekend trying to recoop & rest up for today. Oh! They finally called my name! Chemo here I come! WoooHooo!

Love you all! Promise to update soon!

WTF.....where's my hair!?!?!?!?

Ok, so see my new haircut? That was just last week and today I'm going to get the rest completely shaved off. It hasn't been very fun, but I haven't freaked out or anything. It's hair, right? Of course, they don't tell you is how freakin' painful it is! I've never heard anything about it actually hurting. Really, it makes sense though, I mean my scalp hasn't seen the light of day...ever! So even my pillowcase hurts. I'm pretty sure it'll be fine once the hair is completely gone and my head can "toughen up" a little. Other than that, I've been hanging in there. Trying to do a few things, like take Matthew for a haircut or do a little housecleaning (fun!). If I overdo it, which is sooo me, then I pay for it the next day or two and am usually in bed. This time around, I haven't had a bad migraine yet, so that's is FANTASTIC!!! They do have me on pretty heavy meds to avoid it, but hey, whatever works at this point, I'm game! :) Still nauseous most of the time, but dealing with it better too.

Oh, the best news ever is that my best friend from Seattle came down to see me! She flew in yesterday and is here thru Saturday. We haven't seen each other since her wedding in Vegas almost 2 years ago. We are just hanging out and taking it easy. Luckily, she's been down here several times, so the whole site seeing thing isn't necessary! :)

Thanks to everyone who is sending me good wishes, comments and most of all prayers! I appreciate each and every one of you! It might not seem like a big deal to leave a comment for me, but I can't tell you how much it brightens my day, so please...keep them coming!!!

Love & Blessings,
Lisa

Chemo...the day after!

Hi everyone,

Well, I made it through chemo yesterday! Good news, no asthma attack...bad news...I started vomiting before treatment was even over..not a good sign. But they gave me an additional medication called Ativan via i.v., which is supposed to help nausea and general all over calming down. It did help me for the ride home.

I did talk to my oncologist, well the dr. who was filling in for my dr. who was on vacation. Anyway, we discussed my issues from past treatment, severe migraines & nausea. He did say that it was probably inevitable that this will happen every time I have treatment. Oh YEAH! He feels meds aren't working too well for me because my liver produces a very high level of enzymes. Basically, my liver doesn't give the meds a chance before they have time to get into my system. Meds usually work for me by i.v. because they go through my system first..then to my liver. Makes sense, by why have my previous doctors in the migraine clinic nor my neurologists ever said anything..just kept giving me more meds? We asked if there was anything they could do to decrease the enzyme levels in my liver. He said I'd need to talk to my regular oncologist and find out what he would want to do. So, for now they are giving me a different nausea medication and giving me the pain med that I usually get via i.v. when I'm in the ER, in pill form to take home, so we'll see.

I seem to be doing better today. I am nauseous, but not vomiting and I do have a bad headache, but not a migraine...so far so good!

One more bit of news....I began loosing my hair Tuesday night. Which is right on target, because they warned me it would be about 2 weeks after chemo began. I have to say I am pretty bummed about it. I mean I've ALWAYS had long hair and a ton of it! But I'm not freaking out...I mean it's hair for pete's sake and it does grow back! I'm going to call my hairstylist Lindsey and find out if she can cut if off so I can give it to Locks of Love. I'd rather do that, than have it fall out chunk by chunk and be useless! So...if anyone has any good ideas on what I can start wearing on my head, that would be much appreciated! I don't think bald is gonna look too hot on me! lol!!!

Thanks to everyone for their kind "words of encouragement" prayers, texts and LOVE! I do so very much appreciate it!!!

Love & Blessings,
Lisa